Monday, June 30, 2014

When Aliens Attack (Call Your Local Survivalist)

I'm a sucker for anything about aliens and will entertain any remotely plausible scenario, but the silly premises of When Aliens Attack really goes over the top. Chad Orzel has a great article that evokes a couple chuckles as I read through it. A couple of Orzel's paragraphs are sufficient to give you a flavor of the documentary-slash-fantasy:

This is loaded with all sorts of wacky goodness, like wild inconsistencies in the abilities of the aliens: at one point, they reasonably note that travel at relativistic speeds would require sufficient shielding against micrometeorites and whatnot that the alien ships would likely be impervious to nukes; an hour later, the same giant ships are brought down by small bands of commandoes with small blocks of C4 scavenged from God knows where. they also offer hilariously bizarre hypothetical motivations for the invasion: while they correctly note that aliens wouldn’t need to invade Earth to get water, which is one of the most common substances in the universe, they posit instead that they would come for “chlorophyll and protein.” Yes, that’s right, the aliens came here to eat us, with a nice salad on the side.

and this...

There are also some queasy-making segments touting the virtues of survivalist whack jobsrugged individualists touting their manly-man superiority over effete city dwellers, plus a bit about how we would need to breed large numbers of human soldiers to defeat the aliens, and thus all the women among the survivors would need to be pregnant all the time, about which I can only say OH JOHN RINGO NO! (The creepiness of this is muted to the point of becoming amusing by the fact that, from the occasional timeline cards they showed, the whole scenario appears to play out in about a year, considerably less time than it takes to raise a single generation of new warriors.)